so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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