I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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