I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
