My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
