smell my finger.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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