I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i barfeds in our rink
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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