somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
