he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
love makes seman taste better
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
