He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
