Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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