i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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