i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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