Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
