with your own penis?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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