i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
