i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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