can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
