So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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