I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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