Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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