My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize