it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
