then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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