if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
