Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize