i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
