I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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