I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
