i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
