walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
