i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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