he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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