I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
