Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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