i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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