Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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