If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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