Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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