So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
