Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you

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(251): View more from Alabama

Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(708): View more from Illinois

Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!

(207): View more from Maine

I just puked in my drinking hat.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.

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(509): View more from Washington

Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much

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(563): View more from Iowa

He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.

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(516): View more from New York

1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.

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