wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult