I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
