So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?