were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
