you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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