you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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