Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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