How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
