do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You made out with two different species that night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
