I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
