I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
