it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
