my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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