i wish there were pregnant emoticons
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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