Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
