Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
