Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
