did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
