i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
