So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
