I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
