took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
