thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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