I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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