I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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